scared shitless
I know how reality works.
I know that everything I want already exists. I know that the universe is always bending toward me, folding time and space to support me, that Source loves me without conditions and without limits. I know that my vibration is the dial and my belief is the tuner and that what I focus on expands.
I know all of this the way I know my own name.
& right now, life is testing every single word of it.
I’m in a financial valley. The type where the ground feels uncertain and the next step isn’t visible yet. I’ve been here before. Not this exact shape, but this feeling.
The feeling of knowing the principles deeply while watching the physical reality lag behind. The feeling of having done the work, kept the faith, tended the altar, and still waiting for the physical world around me to catch up.
& underneath all of it, if I’m really truly fucking honest—there is fear. Real fear that lives in my body, not the mind. The body has its own memory and it does not care what I know spiritually. It just remembers hard times. It just wants to protect me.
So here is the mystery I am living inside of right now, one I don’t have an answer to yet—
What do you do when you know the truth and you’re still afraid?
What do you do when you’ve done everything right by every spiritual principle you believe in, and the physical reality still hasn’t shifted?
When you understand the lag between vibration and manifestation but you have a real timeline that matters?
I don’t know yet. I’m in it.
What I do know is that the stepping stones keep showing up… just not in the form I designed or from the directions I expected.
But it keeps appearing—one step ahead of my foot, just barely, just enough. & idk. Is that enough for right now? Can I just be okay with the next step being visible even though the whole plan is a mystery still?
I wish I had all the answers & the happy ending right at this moment, I’m sorry if I disappoint.
Unfortunately I’m writing from the middle of the climb, scared and still believing, which turns out to be the only place I actually know how to write from.
—June 🦋